The Barefoot Barmaid (Belles & Bullets Book 1) Read online

  Kitt's nose wrinkled and her eyes narrowed. “No. I won't. I hate dresses!”

  “And... bloody hell, wear some shoes!” Doon continued, completely disregarding her protest. “Although you might want to wash your feet first. As filthy as they are, you look like you've been dancing around a coal mine. Wash your feet, put on a dress, wear some nice slippers, and maybe I'll let you join me for dinner.”

  “Ha!” Kitt flopped down on the sofa and crossed her arms. “You think I'd actually want to join you for dinner?”

  “Yes.” Doon shrugged indifferently, as if having her company did not matter to him either way. “I've been told I'm a pleasant companion.”

  “You'd have to drag me to dinner with you! Of course... you've already proven you're not above doing that, so maybe I should expect it!” She almost spat at him, but she feared the potential repercussions of doing something so brash. “And even if you did drag me to dinner, you can't force me to eat!”

  “Princess Lyneah...” He was rolling his eyes. “Must you make everything difficult?”

  “Don't call me that!” Kitt objected as passionately as ever. “My name is Kitt! Or Catherine, if you must. Catherine Lake!”

  Doon pulled a fancy silver pocket watch from his coat, flipped it open, and idly checked its hands. Yawning, he returned it to his pocket and asked, “Are you done?”

  “I don't have to talk to you either! I won't say another word to you! See how you like that!”

  “So I'm going to get the silent treatment? How will my heart ever cope with that?” Doon clapped a hand to his chest and whimpered sarcastically. “Boo. Hoo.”

  The pirate chuckled to himself as he left the room, slamming and locking the door behind him. If she was going to be difficult, he could be far worse. “Oh, and by the way,” he spoke to her through the door. “My crew is returning from shore leave shortly. We'll be airborne in a matter of hours.”

  Doon whistled to himself as he made his way to the airship's gaol. The tune that swirled from his lips was surprisingly jovial, considering the circumstances. He removed his top hat and scratched his head, tousling his already-messy hair. When he reached the end of the hall, he pulled another key from his pocket and opened the cell door. Inside the dark room, Bryce was tied to a post, chained to the ground, and collared. “Hello again, Bryce.” When Doon returned the hat to his head, he ran a hand along the brim. “Is there anything you would like to say?”

  “Sowwy I hit dah pwincess,” Bryce's deep voice bellowed.

  “Surely you can manage a better apology than that!” Doon exclaimed. “Try harder. Dig deep. Really try.”

  “I'm reawwy, reawwy, reaaaaawwy sorry I hit dah pwincess!”

  “Good. I'll release you from the dungeon in two days, then.” Doon leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms and ankles. “Is there anything you need? Some water, perhaps? A bit of bread?”

  “A cookie wud be nice.”

  “A cookie it is, then. Never let it be said that Captain Doon doesn't treat even his prisoners with kindness!” Doon whirled on his heel and started to walk away, when Bryce's booming voice halted him.

  “But wut if she ain't a pwincess, Boss?” the big man asked. “What if she's only just a girl?”

  “I'm not an idiot, Bryce. It has crossed my mind that she might not actually be lying. But I've met the princess before, on more than one occasion. If she's not the princess, she's such a good doppelganger that she'll even fool the queen. And I'll have my money either way.” Doon licked his lips at the thought. He could practically see the gold coins pouring through his fingers.

  “Wut's a doppelganger?”

  “Oh, Bryce.” Doon was rolling his dark brown eyes again. “It means they look identical.”

  “Ohhh. Okay.” Bryce opened his mouth wide and yawned, revealing a set of broken, half-rotted teeth. “You cin go now, Cap'n, but don't forget my cookie!”

  5

  Kitt barely slept that night, and she spent a considerable portion of the next morning trying to find a way out of her predicament. She examined the lock, wishing she knew how to pick it. She banged on the lock with a lamp, which was sadly ineffective. She searched the entire floor, even under her bed, hoping for a secret hatch of some kind. When it was clear she was not going to break herself out, she laid on her bed, stared at the ceiling, and breathed a weary sigh.

  When she finally started drifting to sleep—presumably after the sun had already risen—she heard the sound of jingling keys outside her door. Kitt sat up in bed, watching, waiting. She expected to see Captain Doon on the other side of the door, but her visitor was an older man, possibly close to seventy, with an inappropriately gentle face. His skin was dark brown, but his beard was snow white. When he smiled at her, he looked as jolly as anyone she had ever seen, but Kitt doubted he was too friendly. He had to be a pirate, right? She watched him cautiously as he entered the room and laid a tray of breakfast at the end of her bed.

  “Good morning, my lady,” the older gentleman greeted her with a bow. He was tall, but not as tall as the captain. He was wearing a monocle that was difficult to miss, mostly because the lens was icy blue. There was a top hat on his head, but it was extremely small—less than half the size of a regular hat. Kitt was intrigued by his appearance, but she had to remind herself he was no friend of hers. “As you can see, I've brought breakfast. And it's a proper breakfast too, with beans and eggs and all. It might not be what you're used to, seeing as you're a princess, but I do what I can with the ingredients I'm provided with.”

  “I'm not a princess,” Kitt calmly stated. She was protesting much less passionately now.

  “I was told you might say that. But whether you're a princess or not, I hope the food is to your liking.” He backed away from her bed after he set down the tray. “I'm Miles, by the way. It's a pleasure to meet you, young lady.”

  Kitt wanted to say it was a pleasure to meet him too, since he was nothing but polite, and his round, chubby cheeks made him look so pleasant. She couldn't bring herself to echo the sentiment; however, so she simply responded, “Alright.”

  Miles raised his monocle to his eye and studied her. “You look very sad, young lady.”

  “Of course I do!” Kitt dragged the plate of food to her lap. She picked up her fork, mindlessly prodding her eggs as she reminded him, “I'm kidnapped.”

  “We're not too terrible, m'lady.” Miles sat at the end of her bed and smiled. His smile was so bright and wide, it was difficult to dislike him. “We're all just trying to survive here.”

  “Well, when your survival depends on kidnapping a girl in broad daylight, it's probably time to reassess your life.” She finally brought the eggs to her mouth. It was the first thing she had eaten in many hours. If the captain was the one delivering the food, she might have thrown the plate in his face. Miles, however, was infinitely more genial.

  “With respect, we're not kidnapping you. We're taking you home.”

  “Is that what the captain told you?” Kitt sat back and sighed. “Then it's too bad he grabbed the wrong girl, huh?”

  “The captain's not as terrible as you think, my lady,” Miles said.

  “Yes. Yes he is.”

  “I must respectfully disagree with you.” Miles laid a hand over his heart as he spoke. “The captain took me in when I had nowhere else to go. No one wanted an old man in their crew, you see, but he didn't mind so much. It's thanks to Captain Doon that I have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in.”

  “You can sing his praises all day, but it's not going to change my mind about him. That man's a bastard.” Kitt shoved a piece of sausage into her mouth and chewed it loudly. When she saw the hurt expression on Miles' face, she was almost tempted to apologize—and then she came to her senses. “You know, if you were a good man, and if you really wanted to take me home, you could just let me off this ship. My home's not that far away.”

  “I'm afraid that's impossible, my lady.” He slipped his monocle into the pocket of his very fancy
waistcoat. “We're already airborne. We'd have to turn the ship around, and I don't think the captain--”

  “Wait, we're in the sky?” Kitt suddenly leapt to her feet and sprinted to the door. “If we're flying, I want to go out there and see!”

  “Dearest lady!” Miles grunted as he rose to his feet. “I hate to say it, but I'm not allowed to let you out of here and I...”

  Kitt threw open the bedroom door with an excited whoop. The old man forgot to lock it when he brought her the meal. She flashed a smile over her shoulder, then trotted out of the room and into the hallway.

  “M-My lady!” Miles stammered as he tried to chase after her. “I'm afraid I must insist! This is for your safety, as well as my own! I don't think the deck is a proper place for a young lady to be prancing around!”

  “I'll go back to my room in a minute, Miles, I promise!” She shouted at him over her shoulder. He seemed like an amiable gentleman, and she really didn't want to cause him any trouble. “I just want to have a look!”

  She hurried down the hall as quickly as she could, hoping the old man would be too slow to follow. When she reached the hallway's end, Kitt climbed onto a busy deck, where the sights flooded her senses. They were sailing above the clouds, which were so close she could practically reach out and sift her fingers through them. A gaggle of geese raced alongside the vessel; they were honking at the airship as if it was any other bird. She could hear crewmen singing in the crow's nest, and others shouting as they tended to the ship's mast. When she closed her eyes, Kitt could hear the steady hum of machinery, and her nose caught the faint scent of steam from the engines.

  Kitt ran to the side of the ship and peered down at the earth below. They were so high, she couldn't see anything but clouds and sky.

  “Oy!” One of the crewmen stopped swabbing the deck and turned in her direction. He leaned against his soggy mop and licked his lips as he watched her. “Oi! Girl! You want to come ova here and get somma this?”

  Kitt made the mistake of glancing in the man's direction. As soon as she made eye contact with him, he thrust his pelvis at her.

  “You want some of this?” he repeated as he struck a vulgar pose. “I'll even be gentle an' everything!” Her would-be suitor had the rattiest, greasiest blonde hair, which was partially tucked away under a soiled yellow bandana. He also had a snaggletooth he was quite proud of, if his wide grin was any indication.

  “In your dreams,” she retorted, then turned her back to him.

  Another pirate, tattooed and bald, spoke up. “That ain't no girl, that's a boy! Look at it! It's got boy clothes and boy hair and boy tits!”

  “Boy tits? Who ever heard of a thing like boy tits?” the first pirate objected. “If it's got tits, it ain't a boy at all. And this one's definitely got breasts!”

  “Hmpf! Barely!” the bald pirate exclaimed.

  Kitt crossed her arms and sidled away from her hecklers. She didn't enjoy being scrutinized and insulted, and she suddenly regretted leaving her room.

  “If the teets are big enough to suckle, they're big enough for me!” the blonde pirate proclaimed. “Come 'ere to old Doldy, girl! I'll protect you.”

  When Miles finally caught up to her, she was glad to see him. He was panting, gripping his chest, and clutching his small hat to his head. Kitt felt a bit guilty for making him run. “Your Highness, I must insist that you accompany me back to your room! As I said, the deck is no place for a lady, and these ruffians are hardly proper company for you!”

  “Oi, Miles!” the pirate named Doldy spoke again. “You pretend to be a gentleman, but you're a pirate like the rest of us! I bet you'll be dreaming of those little tits tonight!”

  Kitt was trying to focus on the scenery, but their foul words had ruined the mood. “Filthy, rotten idiots...” she whispered under her breath.

  “I promise you, my lady, we aren't all bad,” Miles answered with a sigh. “Alas, that is only true of some of us.”

  “Ey Doldy!” the other deck swabber spoke up. “I 'eard she was a princess! Imagine getting yourself a royal piece of arse!”

  “Ooo. I like it even better!” Doldy dropped his mop, tucked his thumbs under his suspenders, and swaggered toward her. “Would you like to have a bit o' fun with Doldy, little dove?”

  Miles stood in front of her, ready to shield her with his body if necessary. “Your Highness...” he whispered to her. “Please... let us retire to your bedroom before this gets--”

  “Outta the way!” Doldy tried to shove Miles aside, but the older man stood firm. Kitt was strangely touched by her protector's bravery; she decided to return to the room so he wouldn't get hurt.

  But Doldy had other plans. When Kitt started to head below deck, Doldy seized her arm and pulled her toward him. “Come 'ere girl. I don't bite.”

  “What is it with men?” Kitt hissed in his face. “Are you nothing more than animals? I swear to god!”

  “Alright, that's enough!” Another loud voice suddenly entered the conversation. When Kitt realized the speaker was none other than Captain Doon, she breathed a secret sigh of relief—not just for herself, but for Miles too. The poor man had been clutching his chest for so long, she was afraid he was going to have a heart attack. “Any man who touches the princess loses a finger. Do you understand?”

  “But captain, sir, we's just--”

  “Understand?” Doon's eyes narrowed. “While she's with us, Princess Lyneah is to be treated with the utmost respect. I won't tolerate you acting like dogs around her. And you, Doldy... your behavior is so disgusting, I just might make you eat your own fingers if you disobey me!”

  Kitt could tell the captain was serious; she could also tell that Doldy believed him. To Kitt, the pirate muttered a quick, “I'm sorry,” before returning to his bucket and mop.

  “I'm to be treated with the utmost respect, huh?” Kitt rolled her eyes. “You need to work on that yourself, Captain.”

  “What are you talking about? I'm always a gentleman.” Doon suddenly tugged on the collar of Kitt's shirt. “And why are you still wearing these clothes? I told you to put on a dress, didn't I? A finer garment would remind the men of your status, and they'd be less inclined to paw at you.”

  “These clothes are comfortable, though! Besides, I don't think it would even matter. The men I've encountered lately have proven they have absolutely no restraint!”

  “I believe you take great pleasure in disregarding everything I say. Honestly, woman, would it kill you to put on those clothes?”

  Kitt briefly glanced at Miles, as if hoping for his support, but he just shook his head and sighed. “It wouldn't kill me, but I don't want to!”

  “You may be the princess, but you won't be exempt from punishment. Just do as I say. Make my life easier. For once.”

  “You'd punish me? Wow, you're really showing me the utmost respect there! What a great way to set an example, Captain!”

  Miles suddenly seized Kitt's elbow and attempted to steer her in the direction of her bedchamber. And because he had such a worried look in his big, brown eyes, Kitt followed him willingly. “My lady...” Miles' voice sounded strained. “I hope you understand now... the locked door is for your own safety. It is best if you don't go outside.”

  When she was back in her room, Kitt flopped down on her bed and cuddled her pillow. “But how long am I going to be locked up in here? How long is this flight?”

  “A few days,” Miles said. “You might be allowed to move about the ship under the protection of a guard, but I must first establish who is trustworthy.” Miles adjusted his cravat, which had somehow gone crooked during the drama. His necktie was a bit tattered and frayed, but he still wore it with pride. “Unfortunately, I have proven to be a rather pitiful guard myself.”

  “Aww, Miles, that's not true. At least you tried!” Kitt tried to console him. “I hate to think of myself as needing protection, anyway. If I had a weapon, I could be my own guard. Before he died, I learned a bit of swordplay from my brother... maybe not enough to w
in a duel or anything, but...”

  When her voice trailed off, Miles said, “Playing with swords hardly seems like an appropriate pastime for a princess.” He leaned forward and gently squeezed her hand. “And I don't recall the princess ever having a brother.”

  “I know!” Kitt exclaimed. “That's because I'm not the princess! Honestly! I've been trying to explain that all along, but nobody believes me!”

  “Somebody believes you,” Miles corrected her. His eyes twinkled playfully as he retreated from her room with a very proper bow.

  6

  “No.” As soon as Doon saw Kitt the next morning, it was the first word from his mouth. His brow was marred by a deep wrinkle of disapproval, and she could guess what he was thinking before he said another word. “I said I'd punish you for this, and it wasn't an empty threat. I will think of an appropriate punishment.”

  At first, Kitt's answer was merely an exasperated sigh. A moment later, she asked, “Are you talking about my clothes?”

  “Yes.” Doon grabbed her wrist, lifted her arm, and brought her attention to the dirty cuff of her shirt. “Why you insist on wearing these clothes, I have no idea. What sort of pleasure do you get from looking like a filthy, penniless pauper?”

  “But I washed my feet!” Kitt told him. Her clean toes wiggled as she spoke.

  “And yet... you're still not wearing shoes.” Doon heaved a tremendous sigh. “I think you're doing this on purpose. You take pleasure in vexing me.”

  His guess wasn't entirely incorrect. Kitt didn't like to be told what to do by anyone, especially her kidnapper. Her defiance made her proud. “Don't flatter yourself, Captain. Believe it or not, all of my decisions aren't motivated by you. I just really, really hate dresses.”

  “Well then... enjoy your punishment! I hope your disobedience is worth the pain.”

  “Pain?” That word made Kitt's eyes widen. Francis Doon had a reputation for ruthlessness, but he had never been cruel to her—not yet, anyway. She didn't expect him to lose his patience with her so soon. “But it's my birthday today! Can you not be lenient with me?”